The Last King of Hollywood

January 27, 2012 Comments

HA!

January 26, 2012 Comments

This song will forever be amazing… and its video will forever remain creepy. Hang my head. Drown my fear. ’Till you all just disappear…

January 25, 2012 Comments

The Bad Joke Eel

January 24, 2012 1 note Comments

Great Moments in Social Acrimony

(Autumn 2008, a frustrated LKH walks into a NY State unemployment office for a completely impromptu meeting.)
Jon: Excuse me. Are you Mr. Williams? They said that I needed to talk to you if you are.
Mr. Williams: Yes. Come into the office and have a seat.
(Jon shuts door and sits down. Introduces self.)
Mr. Williams: Ah yes. You...
Jon: Me? What a thing to say...
Mr. Williams: Well, son. I reviewed the mandatory form you filled out for the state.
Jon: Is that why you guys made me come here? I sent that thing in two weeks ago!
Mr. Williams: (Takes form out of a file) Yes, well... that you did.
Jon: So whats the problem?
Mr. Williams: I have reason to believe you aren't taking the state unemployment form seriously.
Jon: Well, that's not fair. Of course I am. I was on two interviews this week!
Mr. Williams: I said the form, not the job search. From your attached resume and work history, I'm sure you're actually looking for a job and that you'll find one. It's the form that's the problem.
Jon: I answered all the questions!
Mr. Williams: Shall we review your answers then? (Places spectacles on nose and reads form aloud.) Next to your name, you listed that you were the "Last King of Hollywood."
Jon: I am called that from time to time. It's a non-paying thing though... so, it's all good. Google it.
Mr. Williams: Right. That's not even the issue. See, we listed 3,000 potential skills that people can contribute in today's workforce. You checked only one box. (Dramatic pause). One. (Another dramatic pause.) Do you recall which one you checked off, Mr. King of Hollywood?
Jon: It's "Last...King of Hollywood." And I do not, sir.
Mr. Williams: Deli meat slicer.
Jon: I make a good sandwich.
Mr. Williams: You see how that's a problem when you also attach your resume listing myriad things you can actually do?
Jon: That's the problem, isn't it? If I actually sat there checking off 1000 boxes, you wouldn't have read my resume. And if I wanted people to not read my resume, then I wouldn't have bothered to write one. So the way I see it, the score is Last King of Hollywood 1, New York 0.
Mr. Williams: There were also two essay questions.
Jon: I answered those to the best of my abilities, just like it asked.
Mr. Williams: "In 1000 words or less, explain your greatest strength." Do you recall what you wrote?
Jon: Could be any number of things...
Mr. Williams: "Brevity." That's all you wrote. "Brevity..."
Jon: I think I proved my point with that one.
Mr Williams: Essay question two. "In 1000 words or less, explain your greatest weakness." Do you recall what you said for that?
Jon: Brunettes?
Mr. Williams: You wrote, "Sarcasm."
Jon: That was my second guess, actually...
(Mr. Williams smiles and takes another form from out of his folder, handing it across the table)
Mr. Williams: I read thousands of these things a month and it's honestly the most tedious job in the world. But this one? This was a welcome change of pace, son. That's why I'm giving you a chance to do it over. You really don't have a choice. Just get it over with.
Jon: (Grabs paper and sighs.) Fine, but I'm calling this a tie. Last King of Hollywood 1, New York 1.

January 23, 2012 Comments

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

“The World Has Turned and Left Me Here,” by Weezer. Classic.

January 21, 2012 Comments

Two Star Wars themed items this week has me on the verge of loserdom, but it’s funny so whatever.

January 20, 2012 Comments

The greatest ad in the history of TV ads. It even has the AT-AT dog. Amazing.

January 19, 2012 Comments

Now I don’t know who this guy is, but he has the best license plate/ car combo ever.

January 17, 2012 Comments

Movies Back in Time

Our Generation of movies… if they were made 60 years ago.

Trainspotting

The Hangover

Pulp Fiction

Avatar

Inception

January 16, 2012 Comments

[Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

“Stumblin’ Home Winter Blues,” by Ben Folds Five. That’s right. A new song by BF5. They finally got the band back together and started writing again. This was from Ben Folds’ recent compilation album (basically a best of), but they’re hitting the studio to start recording a whole new thing for 2012. Whatever and ever. Amen!

January 14, 2012 1 note Comments

This is how “Save the Date” announcements are done. And plus… a certain Last King of Hollywood might have had something to do with writing the script…

Congrats to Justin and Christie

January 13, 2012 Comments

Holistic Maladies

Jon: I think this ADD is starting to really catch up to me. I can never finish anything. I might need to go on Adderal.
Justin: I know the feeling man. I've been there.
Jon: Well, I'm gonna fight it!
Justin: I bet you are...
Jon: So here's how it's going to go down. It's like 1AM, but I'm going out to buy coffee. When I get back, I'm leaving the grid so I can focus of writing a chapter of this book. I'm going to listen to music on my way there to get me pumped. When I get back, I'm going to unplug things. Turn off the Internet connection. Really get after this...
Justin: Yeah. For say a good... 20 minutes? Then you'll flip Facebook open just to see what's poppin'. That's exactly what you'll do.
Jon: How can you be so sure?
Justin: That's what I'd do.
Jon: Shit! You're right. I dunno... Maybe I need to huff some paint thinner or something until I can get myself that prescription.
Justin: That... probably wont work.
Jon: God dammit, you're right. Where am I gonna get paint thinner from at this hour?

Boundless Sarcasm

The Best Menu Ever

Links to Other Kingdoms

Buttons That Do Things

Peasants