February 2012
23 posts
iFail
Jon: Hi Siri, how are you?
Siri: I am well thanks!
Jon: Siri, where can I buy some lip balm?
Siri: Hold on... let me see... I can't find anywhere for you to drop shit bombs.
Jon: Uh... thanks Siri
Siri: No problem.
A Goodbye to "The Kid"
Sometimes people hold significance in your life without you ever even getting to meet them. New York Mets catcher, Gary Carter was one of those people. Sadly, today, at the age of 57, Gary Carter passed away from Cancer.
I’ve always refrained from going into any sort of sports fanaticism on this site because frankly, I don’t think the audience...
WatchA Valentines Day Tradition: ”Yer Blues” with the Dirty Mac. Four legends of rock playing together for one time only…
"C" Words & "D" Words
Jon: I never liked that kid. He was always a dick.
Mom: Ugh. Can you please stop using the "D word?"
Jon: What? Dick?
Mom: Ugh!
Danielle: What's wrong with saying "dick?"
Mom: Would you guys stop it already!?
Jon: Since when can't we say the word "dick" around here?
Mom: Since always. I hate that word. Also, the "C word." It makes me cringe.
Jon: Cock?
Mom: No.
Jon: Choad?
Mom: No. It's the word for the female vagina.
Jon: As opposed to the male vagina?
Mom: Would you stop it already?
Jon: Cooter?
Danielle: Wow, there's a lot of unfortunate genitalia-based words beginning with C, aren't there?
Mom: Alright. Enough.
Jon: Hey ma, remember that kid Cock Choad I went to high school with?
Mom: ...No. I don't remember him. What about him?
Jon: I never liked him. He was always such a dick.
The Day Pop Culture Passed Them By... Part 2
Dad: You know guys, Adele is on TV tonight. Her first live performance since she had that voice problem.
Danielle: That's nice.
Dad: It is nice. Don't be a smart ass.
Danielle: Oh my God... You only care because she's British.
Jonathan: I feel like we've had this conversation before...
Dad: I don't care that she's British!
Danielle: Oh please...
Jonathan: (Aside to the dog) Nobody listens to me around here except for you.
Danielle: Tell him. He only cares about Adele because she's British. All the British bands. Coldplay too, right? You loooooove Coldplay.
Dad: They're very good as well.
Danielle: Well, Adele's certainly not winning the Grammy.
Jonathan: (Aside to the dog) Yup. Definitely had this discussion before.
Dad: Oh, then who's going to win it?
Jonathan: Kanye West and Jay-Z.
Dad: (Blank stare)
Jonathan: Or according to you, Keanu East and Kay-G.
Dad: Well I'll have you all know I listened to all of the nominees' albums from start to finish and the one you're talking about was the lowest quality by far.
Jonathan: Yes, because a 60 year old man from Liverpool is an objective critic of modern rap music.
Dad: I am!
Jonathan: Oh really? What was your favorite song from "Watch the Throne?" You strike me as a "Niggas in Paris" kinda guy. Or maybe "That's My Bitch." Yeah, that's it. I'm surprised I haven't heard you roaming the halls today spittin' verses of "That's My Bitch."
Dad: I... I listened to it. And I didn't like it.
Jonathan: Shocking.
Mom: You know who I like?
Jonathan: Let me guess. Cockerspaniel.
Mom: No jackass. Now I remember that's not what he's called. The one with J-Lo. What's his name? Bulldog...
Danielle: She means Pitbull.
Jonathan: And we've come full circle.
“Barstool,” by Gary Jules. A solid...
WatchOne More Minute You’ll Never Get Back… This video has always represented how I feel about living in this prison, New York City.
