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“Stumblin’ Home Winter Blues,” by Ben Folds Five.  That’s right.  A new song by BF5.  They finally got the band back together and started writing again.  This was from Ben Folds’ recent compilation album (basically a best of), but they’re hitting the studio to start recording a whole new thing for 2012.  Whatever and ever.  Amen!

This is how “Save the Date” announcements are done.  And plus…  a certain Last King of Hollywood might have had something to do with writing the script…

Congrats to Justin and Christie

Holistic Maladies
  • Jon: I think this ADD is starting to really catch up to me. I can never finish anything. I might need to go on Adderal.
  • Justin: I know the feeling man. I've been there.
  • Jon: Well, I'm gonna fight it!
  • Justin: I bet you are...
  • Jon: So here's how it's going to go down. It's like 1AM, but I'm going out to buy coffee. When I get back, I'm leaving the grid so I can focus of writing a chapter of this book. I'm going to listen to music on my way there to get me pumped. When I get back, I'm going to unplug things. Turn off the Internet connection. Really get after this...
  • Justin: Yeah. For say a good... 20 minutes? Then you'll flip Facebook open just to see what's poppin'. That's exactly what you'll do.
  • Jon: How can you be so sure?
  • Justin: That's what I'd do.
  • Jon: Shit! You're right. I dunno... Maybe I need to huff some paint thinner or something until I can get myself that prescription.
  • Justin: That... probably wont work.
  • Jon: God dammit, you're right. Where am I gonna get paint thinner from at this hour?
I tried to figure out a quadratic equation this morning.  In lieu of an answer I found this, which made much more sense.

I tried to figure out a quadratic equation this morning.  In lieu of an answer I found this, which made much more sense.

Qualifying Live Events
  • Aetna Customer Service (ACS): I'm sorry, sir, but you missed the application cut off for health care in 2012.
  • Jon: Well, wouldn't that have been nice to know? Shouldn't somebody have told me that there was a registration deadline?
  • ACS: Yes.
  • Jon: ...
  • ACS: You can sign up in 2013 though!
  • Jon: That really doesn't help me.
  • ACS: Well, you don't necessarily need a healthcare plan. There's alternatives.
  • Jon: Like not getting sick ever again?
  • ACS: That works, but you can pay for your own plan too.
  • Jon: So pay full price at the doctor like I've been doing since I'm 12?
  • ACS: Yeah, I guess it's not the best alternative. But hey! You can become immediately eligible again if you have a "qualifying life event!"
  • Jon: What's that?
  • ACS: If for instance you have a baby, you become eligible again, right away.
  • Jon: So I have to get someone knocked up to get health insurance? Is that essentially what you're telling me?
  • ACS: It would make you eligible once the baby is born, yes.
  • Jon: I'd still have to wait 9 months.
  • ACS: Better than 12, right?
  • Jon: No. It's not better whatsoever. It's worse. Way worse. Because I'd suddenly have a bastard child to deal with.
  • ACS: Well you can get married too, you know.
  • Jon: And why would I want to do that? So "health care baby" has a mother?
  • ACS: No. Getting married is also a qualifying life event!
  • Jon: ...
  • ACS: ...
  • Jon: Can I speak to a supervisor please?

I really don’t know what to say about this.  It’s a mouth full of crabs…

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“About Today,” by The National.  This song is amazing.  Listen to it.  I have.

"Minion quality control is difficult…"
— Elise Cantu

The greatest inmate team building activity in the universe… “Prison Thriller!”

Slow down.  You’re driving way too fast, yo.

Slow down.  You’re driving way too fast, yo.

"You’re an alright cat, you are… but fuck you and your New Year. Don’t live like a bitch, you’re much better than that."
— Jason Harper’s drunk response to my “Happy New Years!” text message.
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“Colours,” by Grouplove.  I can’t even begin to explain how fitting a song this is for me personally, right now.  Happy New Years with this Music Monday.

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Long Live The King: Jonathan Beech