• Aetna Customer Service (ACS): I'm sorry, sir, but you missed the application cut off for health care in 2012.
  • Jon: Well, wouldn't that have been nice to know? Shouldn't somebody have told me that there was a registration deadline?
  • ACS: Yes.
  • Jon: ...
  • ACS: You can sign up in 2013 though!
  • Jon: That really doesn't help me.
  • ACS: Well, you don't necessarily need a healthcare plan. There's alternatives.
  • Jon: Like not getting sick ever again?
  • ACS: That works, but you can pay for your own plan too.
  • Jon: So pay full price at the doctor like I've been doing since I'm 12?
  • ACS: Yeah, I guess it's not the best alternative. But hey! You can become immediately eligible again if you have a "qualifying life event!"
  • Jon: What's that?
  • ACS: If for instance you have a baby, you become eligible again, right away.
  • Jon: So I have to get someone knocked up to get health insurance? Is that essentially what you're telling me?
  • ACS: It would make you eligible once the baby is born, yes.
  • Jon: I'd still have to wait 9 months.
  • ACS: Better than 12, right?
  • Jon: No. It's not better whatsoever. It's worse. Way worse. Because I'd suddenly have a bastard child to deal with.
  • ACS: Well you can get married too, you know.
  • Jon: And why would I want to do that? So "health care baby" has a mother?
  • ACS: No. Getting married is also a qualifying life event!
  • Jon: ...
  • ACS: ...
  • Jon: Can I speak to a supervisor please?