• Josh: Ostriches are mean. And they're strong -- they can kill you with a kick. But something about getting kicked to death by a bird just seems wrong.
  • Jon: Honestly? I think I would beat an ostrich in a fight, if it came to that.
  • Josh: Ha. OK
  • Jon: You don't think so? I would fuck him up if I had to.
  • Josh: I mean, if you clocked it in the head, then maybe...
  • Jon: If I saw him rob an old woman or something, I would knock that thing out.
  • Josh: Why would an ostrich beat up an old woman?
  • Jon: He'd be done. That's all I'm saying.
  • Josh: But a fully grown ostrich? They have like... six-foot long legs
  • Jon: Well, I have moxie.
  • Josh: Right. OK... well it's obviously got a better reach than you. It could roundhouse kick you before you could get a single punch in.
  • Jon: Honestly, I don't think ostriches use roundhouse kicks. And even if one did, I would catch its leg and flat out place him in the figure four leg lock. Can you imagine how ridiculous that would look? Me all triumphant-like, with an ostrich on the ground, trapped in the figure four?
  • Josh: No. I can't.
  • Jon: That's what he gets for trying to hurt some defenseless old lady and roundhouse kick me. Damn ostrich in the figure four, tapping out with his head.
  • Josh: I actually saw a nature documentary recently. It took three fully grown cheetahs to subdue an ostrich.
  • Jon: I could most definitely beat up cheetah if need be.
  • Josh: You're an idiot.