The Last King of Hollywood

Corporate Posturing for the home

Fri, 30 Jul 2010 16:48:29 -0400

Corporate Posturing for the home

“You Can’t Always Get What You Want,” by the...

Mon, 26 Jul 2010 08:43:24 -0400

“You Can’t Always Get What You Want,” by the Rolling Stones. This song says it all.

Olympic Math, Explained

Fri, 23 Jul 2010 15:05:49 -0400

Olympic Math, Explained

Behind ze Music

Tue, 20 Jul 2010 12:25:00 -0400

Jon: Remember when Milli Vanilli came out with that new album?
Harper: What? When did they come out with a new album?
Jon: Oh. Like… Years ago. After they were blackballed from the music industry for being frauds.
Harper: Get out!
Mike: No, it’s true. They did.
Harper: You don’t say…
Jon: They put out a whole album, but with their voices.
Harper: What did they sound like?
Jon: Extremely German, if I recall.
Mike: Way German…
Harper: And it was all new stuff?
Jon: No. I think it was mostly their old hits, but with them actually singing… and also fused with a heavy German accent. Like… “Blame it on ze rain!”
Mike: “Girl you know it’s ze true. Oh oh oh. i lieb you.”
Harper: Seriously?
Mike: The man speaks the truth, Harper.
Jon: Yeah, but they weren’t called “Milli Vanilli” anymore. They went by their real names. “Rob & Fab.”
Harper: Are you guys fucking with me?
Mike: Ah… Good ol’ Fabrice Morvan. Didn’t he die?
Jon: No Mike. That was Rob Pilatus.
Harper: Oh no! Rob died? How the hell did Rob die?
Jon: Drowned.
Harper: Oh my God, that’s tragic! Right after the comeback?
Jon: I wouldn’t exactly call it a comeback. It turns out that their big debut album tanked, which sent Rob into a depressive downward spiral. The failure of the “Rob & Fab” album made Rob commit suicide.
Mike: Wait… he drowned?
Jon: Legend has it that he went out into the ocean and never came back.
Harper: Like, he jumped off a cliff into the water?
Jon: No. He was staring out at the horizon one morning and… I dunno. He just walked out into the ocean I think.
Harper: And?
Jon: And he never came back.
Harper: Wow.
Mike: The legend of Rob Pilatus
Harper: What an incredible true story… I’m definitely going to have Hilary fact-check it on Wikipedia when we get back inside.

“Creep,” by the Scala & Kolacny Brothers. An...

Mon, 19 Jul 2010 20:56:12 -0400

“Creep,” by the Scala & Kolacny Brothers. An amazing orchestral choir cover of Radiohead’s first big hit. Trust me on this… Give it a listen.

"You’re difficult. You will make a good point, and I will acknowledge it. And then I will..."

Wed, 14 Jul 2010 14:02:56 -0400

““You’re difficult. You will make a good point, and I will acknowledge it. And then I will make a good point, and you will mock me… Classic fucking you.””

- Joshua Boydstun

“Space Bound,” by Eminem off his awesome new album,...

Mon, 12 Jul 2010 08:41:20 -0400

“Space Bound,” by Eminem off his awesome new album, “Recovery.” You should definitely buy his CD on iTunes. It’s pretty great.

"Dreams are the touchstones of our character."

Wed, 07 Jul 2010 22:25:34 -0400

“Dreams are the touchstones of our character.”

- Henry David Thoreau

Chumming. Now for kids.

Tue, 06 Jul 2010 22:08:09 -0400

Chumming. Now for kids.

Lies on the High Seas

Tue, 29 Jun 2010 11:36:00 -0400

Jon: I'm excited for this weekend. I can't wait to be out on the open ocean, catching lobster and all.
Mike: Well, Jon. It's like this. Basically, we can't really do that in the ocean around here. You need a license for that sort of thing.
Jon: Yeah, OK. I'll draft something in 'Word.'
Mike: No, I'm serious. This is a fishing town. These mongrel idiots make their living out there on the water.
Jon: Are you kidding me? So I can't catch my own lobster?
Mike: Look, it's not as simple as throwing a line in a river. You realize that, right?
Jon: Sure it is. I had plans, Mike. Big plans!
Mike: I know Jon. And I used those plans. I used them to lure you up here. And while you might be disappointed, I know that Hilary is excited you're coming.
Jon: Well, to hell with you. I'm deep sea fishing. Truth be known, I was gonna go to the store, bathe a tennis ball in hooks and cow blood and toss that shit in the water.
Mike: Frankly, we were concerned you would do something like that.
Jon: I was gonna surprise you all, catching a mako shark or something. A regular deep sea hero...
Mike: Well... I suppose we could go chummin'. That'd be fun.
Jon: Can we? I'll go fucking chummin'.
Mike: Sure, we'll just throw bloody carcasses in the water. We'll bring a few hundred gallons of steer blood too. Our friends will have a great time. Especially my wife and newborn daughter.
Jon: Dude, I just googled it. Let's go chummin'.
Mike: I gotta be honest with you, Jon. It's something that's typically frowned upon.
Jon: But imagine that Facebook album. "Baby Natalie's FIRST chumming excursion."
Mike: Yeah. I'm imagining it now.
Jon: I suppose it could also be called "Baby Natalie's LAST chumming excursion."
Mike: That's probably more likely. I can't see Hilary endorsing "chumming" as a hobby for our infant daughter.
Jon: So wait a second...
Mike: What?
Jon: I'm really not going to get to catch anything on this boat we're going on? I was going to bring a corn cob pipe and a fishing hat. I was going to dress in a yellow rain slicker like one of the local whackadoos. This is ruining my whole plan.
Mike: I honestly think the chances are slim unless we go on an actual fishing trip, hours away. But, you'll be happy to know that we can watch the pros catch lobsters on the boat.
Jon: I can't even eat shellfish. So I have to watch someone catch it and then watch someone eat it.
Mike: That seems to be what you're looking at...
Jon: This reminds me of when my parents would order the Disney vacation package brochures on VHS and let my sister and I watch them... then never actually take us.
Mike: You got tricked out of Disney World?
Jon: Magic kingdom my ass
Mike: Wow, what a sucker. Let me see what we can do about getting you that lobster...
Jon: This Saturday, I expect to be on a boat. And I don't care if it's frowned upon, I'm chummin'.

“Empire Ants,” by Gorillaz. A disco hip-hop romp...

Mon, 28 Jun 2010 19:06:49 -0400

“Empire Ants,” by Gorillaz. A disco hip-hop romp through awesomeness. Check them out on iTunes

Old School French Medieval Weaponry.

Sun, 27 Jun 2010 22:28:21 -0400

Old School French Medieval Weaponry.

Seatbelts Optional

Tue, 22 Jun 2010 16:32:22 -0400

Josh: We should definitely travel the Bolivian Road of Death
Jon: Sounds good
Josh: I'm packing a parachute though, for when we fall off the cliff
Jon: Parachutes would be ideal
Josh: Totally
Jon: I'm driving
Josh: Wait. Why?
Jon: I've been in the car with you hitting shit too many times
Josh: When have I hit anything with you in the car? Most of the collisions I've had are when I'm flying solo
Jon: As refreshing as that sounds on the surface, do you remember your highway crash with septic face? Then there was that bird you hit in cape cod. You've crashed into toilet bowls in the middle of the desert. You crashed through a toll barricade that one time...
Josh: OK. Firstly, septic face rear ended me. I avoided that collision, albeit narrowly.
Jon: You didn't avoid anything. I had a concussion and her car was smashed!
Josh: I'm not responsible for getting rear-ended by a girl who hadn't slept in two days.
Jon: You stopped short on the highway because you weren't paying attention!
Josh: Yeah, but i wasn't legally culpable. And secondly, birds get hit all the time. You've run down multiple squirrels.
Jon: I've never run down anything
Josh: I seem to remember you definitely hit a squirrel and it going flying up behind your car when we ran back to my house in high school to pick up "Meet the Feebles" for Rayme's party.
Jon: Lies. You're a shit driver and I am not getting into a car with you as the driver on the Bolivian Road of Death
Josh: I'm not a shit driver. Ken Lau is a shit driver.
Jon: True, but thankfully he isn't coming with us.
Josh: And I didn't hit a toilet bowl. it was a number of parts FROM a toilet bowl.
Jon: OK, well I still count that
Josh: Yeah, well you've hit a fucking deer, how's that?
Jon: I didn't hit the deer. He hit me. It's all semantics.
Josh: You know... why the hell do I waste my time arguing with you, when you're just picking a fight to keep yourself entertained at work?
Jon: All I'm saying is that I'm driving the Bolivian Road of Death. You will work the iPod.
Josh: you're a douchebag.

“Ode to the LRC,” by Band of Horses. I saw them...

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 18:38:15 -0400

“Ode to the LRC,” by Band of Horses. I saw them live last week and they really rocked this song. Check it out.

Oramac Media

Tue, 15 Jun 2010 11:50:00 -0400

Everyone go check out the new website that launched today for my video production company, Oramac Media. You can find us at www.OramacMedia.com.

You can also become a fan of Oramac Media on Facebook by clicking here and clicking the “like” button.

For something a little more ridiculous, (for those of you who fiend off social media sites like a heroin addict,) follow us on Twitter by going here.

And for a rundown about what our company does and how un-fucking-believable we are, you can read our informational page here.

Thanks in advance, for your support. And obviously, if you have any colleagues or friends who have a video project they need help with, have them reach us by checking out our website and hitting up our contact page.

“Smith Hill,” by Deer Tick. The song is ironically...

Mon, 14 Jun 2010 18:50:34 -0400

“Smith Hill,” by Deer Tick. The song is ironically from the album, “Born on Flag Day,” which also happens to be today. So, enjoy that.

Drunk History: Volume 6 - starring John C. Rielly, Crispin...

Fri, 11 Jun 2010 10:00:03 -0400

Drunk History: Volume 6 - starring John C. Rielly, Crispin Glover, and some dude lying in a bowl of puke. It’s time we learned about the true history of electricity.

Prepare for Downcount. 5, 4, 3… 1. Zlad!

Fri, 28 May 2010 00:03:28 -0400

Prepare for Downcount. 5, 4, 3… 1. Zlad!

“Where Do You Go To, My Lovely?” by Peter...

Mon, 24 May 2010 08:47:44 -0400

“Where Do You Go To, My Lovely?” by Peter Sarsstedt. This is an old song that’s been in my head lately. It reminds me of the South of France, and that’s a good thing.

Better Homes & Garden

Fri, 21 May 2010 15:53:00 -0400

Taz: What’s up? (sits down and picks up a book)
Justin: Hey man. We have to talk. (pauses) I really think you need to clean. Been saying it for a while now, but nothing seems to have changed. The house is filthy and like…
Taz: Yeah, I definitely hear you.
Justin: Right, but like, I’m kind of at the end of my rope with it. I can’t live like this.
Taz: It’s not THAT bad.
Justin: No it’s worse. Way way worse. There’s 10 lbs of larvae in the sink. 10 lbs… I almost threw up before.
Taz: True. I’m pretty frustrated too. I’m definitely at…. you know… where you’re at right now.
Justin: (pauses again) Really?
Taz: (doesn’t look up from book) Totally
Justin: Yeah. I really don't think you are.