The Last King of Hollywood

The Last King of Hollywood. Conquering the ages since 1982

Fri, 01 Jun 2012 14:28:09 -0400

The Last King of Hollywood. Conquering the ages since 1982

Never say no to Panda… or cheese.

Thu, 31 May 2012 02:07:43 -0400

Never say no to Panda… or cheese.

Yolo

Wed, 30 May 2012 00:15:00 -0400

Jonathan: Yo, search Google for "Why Does" and look what the auto-fill puts in.
Danielle: "Why does your hair go gray?" So?
Jonathan: What the hell? Mine doesn't say that whatsoever.
Danielle: Of course yours would be different...
Jonathan: Wait, I meant, search for "When Does" and see what Google's auto-fill puts in.
Danielle: ...
Jonathan: ...
Danielle: "When does the Narwhal bacon?"
Jonathan: Yeah!
Danielle: What the shit does that mean?
Jonathan: How the hell do I know? I thought it was another stupid Drake thing. Like Yolo.
Danielle: No...
Jonathan: Like.. "yo, bitch, when does ya narwhal bacon?"
Danielle: ...
Jonathan: ...Yolo!

Spanish Knight Rider…

Tue, 29 May 2012 00:27:57 -0400

Spanish Knight Rider…

“Stranger Things Have Happened,” by the Foo...

Mon, 28 May 2012 01:00:52 -0400

“Stranger Things Have Happened,” by the Foo Fighters. The lyrics are very strong and it’s by far my favorite song off that album. You should listen… now.

This is awesome and I’m a nerd. Deal with it.

Sat, 26 May 2012 11:41:00 -0400

This is awesome and I’m a nerd. Deal with it.

True.

Fri, 25 May 2012 12:21:18 -0400

True.

Dangerous Mind

Thu, 24 May 2012 00:38:06 -0400

Danielle: All I'm saying is the kid was having trouble until I taught him how to study. I said, "if you follow my method, you'll do better" and he went from failing his classes to getting A's. And he acknowledged me and thanked me and that was pretty awesome.
Jon: Look at you. Changing lives... and shit.
Danielle: And shit.
Jon: You're like... Melanie Griffith in "Dangerous Minds."
Danielle: Melanie Griffith wasn't in "Dangerous Minds."
Jon: No?
Danielle: That was Michelle Pfeiffer.
Jon: Well I don't care, you're still like Melanie Griffith in that movie. Cue the Coolio.

“So Hard to Breathe,” by B.O.B. This is my favorite...

Mon, 21 May 2012 02:43:50 -0400

“So Hard to Breathe,” by B.O.B. This is my favorite song off Bobby Ray’s new album, “Strange Clouds,” which you should DEFINITELY check out on iTunes. A great investment!

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s… SUPER...

Sat, 19 May 2012 11:57:33 -0400

It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s… SUPER LLAMA!

The Hypothesis

Thu, 17 May 2012 01:50:34 -0400

(Two elderly homeless guys walk down the street together, shopping carts in tow at 10PM under the subway overpass off 31st st. in Astoria, Queens. This was the overheard conversation on the way back from the supermarket.)

Homeless Guy 1: We're all being followed, Donald. Every single one of us.
Homeless Guy 2: I hear you, buddy. I've felt that way for years.
Homeless Guy 1: Right now, Donald? They're following us...
Homeless Guy 2: You really think so?
Homeless Guy 1: Oh, I'm sure of it. And I can do you one better, Donald. I even know WHO is following us.
Homeless Guy 2: Who!?
Homeless Guy 1: The Spanish.
Homeless Guy 2: Figures...

This kid just made the greatest cover of all time… ...

Wed, 16 May 2012 02:17:36 -0400

This kid just made the greatest cover of all time… Seriously. You don’t even have a right to disagree.

High Fashion

Tue, 15 May 2012 01:37:00 -0400

Danielle: So, did you receive my text?
Jon: Booyah!!!
Danielle: Seriously though...
Jon: Sure!
Danielle: The one about the purse we're buying mom for Mother's Day. Did you even read it?
Jon: Sure!
Danielle: Well, what do you think of it? Do you think that's a good style? Do you think she'll like the color?
Jon: Dude, I wear t-shirts with pictures of TaunTauns on them:(http://tinyurl.com/TaunTauns). Do you really want my opinion on this?
Danielle: ...I'll let you know how much you owe.

“Say Hey,” by Michael Franti & Spearhead....

Mon, 14 May 2012 00:29:16 -0400

“Say Hey,” by Michael Franti & Spearhead. I’m pretty excited about this song. It’s giving me some good vibes and getting me in the mood for summer.

Mi Casa es Su Casa

Sat, 12 May 2012 16:39:48 -0400

Ken: Dude, your eating situation in this house is abysmal. You have 40 boxes of matzah and in the freezer there's only hard liquor, saki, and 3 huge frozen cakes. That's all you have.
Jon: So?
Ken: So, you know when you come to Chicago and you stay at my place and eat all my hot pockets?
Jon: Yes, I remember that.
Ken: So why aren't there any hotpockets here?
Jon: Because some idiot friend would obviously come along and eat them while I'm out.
Ken: So what should I do?
Jon: Try microwaving one of those frozen cakes.
Ken: ...
Jon: Order chinese food. There's a menu somewhere I bet.
Ken: Nevermind. I found an egg behind the saki. I'm going to try and eat that.

Pretty ill club to join in high school. Way better than Amnesty...

Fri, 11 May 2012 02:50:38 -0400

Pretty ill club to join in high school. Way better than Amnesty International or the Debate Team.

When the Dark Lord Voldemort and Christina Perri broke up…...

Wed, 09 May 2012 23:19:44 -0400

When the Dark Lord Voldemort and Christina Perri broke up… arguments ensued.

“Body Movin’,” by the Beastie Boys. Obvious...

Mon, 07 May 2012 00:41:29 -0400

“Body Movin’,” by the Beastie Boys. Obvious choice this week. RIP MCA.

An amazing tribute by Chris Martin and Coldplay for Adam Yauch...

Sun, 06 May 2012 03:44:00 -0400

An amazing tribute by Chris Martin and Coldplay for Adam Yauch of the Beastie Boys, who passed away last week at the age of 47 from Cancer. He was more than a ground breaking rapper - he was an activist and a pioneer who crossed boundaries and bridged gaps between people together from different backgrounds. I know I’ll miss hearing a new Beasties album drop every two years. RIP, MCA.

Video Game Karma

Thu, 03 May 2012 00:27:29 -0400

Jon: Remember when I sold your Carmen San Diego video game in high School?
Josh: Yup. I still wonder where in the world is that game went.
Jon: It’s really strange how little I regret that, even now. Then again, I think you stole something of mine years later and ruined it.
Josh: Remember how I kept your "Toe Jam & Earl" and "Streetfighter" games as recompense?
Jon: Ah, that what was it. I was so shocked they were giving 17.99 for Carmen San Diego. That game sucked. Had to do it, man.
Josh: Right. but then do you remember how my sister's ex-boyfriend stole all of my games, including yours, and left the boxes empty in my house for years before anyone discovered that they were missing? What a fucking asshole that guy was.
Jon: That's a shitstorm of fucking karma right there.
Josh: what a deadbeat that kid was. One day I was like, "oh man, I could go for some 'Rocket Knight Adventures.' Open it up... Empty box. Then I thought, "Well what about fuckin' 'Kid Chameleon?' Empty. Fucking asshole.
Jon: AH HA!
Josh: What?
Jon: I still own "Rocket Knight Adventures." Wanna borrow it?
Josh: Nah
Jon: Good, because I wouldn’t have let you anyway. Who steals a video game? really...