The Best Thing Before Sliced Bread Was InventedTumblr (3.0; @lastkingofhollywood)http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/<embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://assets.tumblr.com/swf/audio_player_black.swf?audio_file=http://www.tumblr.com/audio_file/17539985019/tumblr_lzbhnhaqJX1qzm87a&color=FFFFFF" height="27" width="207" quality="best" wmode="opaque"></embed><br/><br/><p>“Two Against One,” By <em>Danger Mouse & Jack White</em>.  Pretty weird compilation, but i dig it.  you should too.</p>http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/17539985019http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/17539985019Mon, 13 Feb 2012 00:52:29 -0500<img src="http://28.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lzav20oTG81qzm87ao1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>How the United States sees the rest of the world</p>http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/17511392279http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/17511392279Sun, 12 Feb 2012 16:44:24 -0500Jon: I never liked that kid. He was always a dick.<br /> Mom: Ugh. Can you please stop using the "D word?"<br /> Jon: What? Dick?<br /> Mom: Ugh!<br /> Danielle: What's wrong with saying "dick?"<br /> Mom: Would you guys stop it already!?<br /> Jon: Since when can't we say the word "dick" around here?<br /> Mom: Since always. I hate that word. Also, the "C word." It makes me cringe.<br /> Jon: Cock?<br /> Mom: No.<br /> Jon: Choad?<br /> Mom: No. It's the word for the female vagina.<br /> Jon: As opposed to the male vagina?<br /> Mom: Would you stop it already?<br /> Jon: Cooter?<br /> Danielle: Wow, there's a lot of unfortunate genitalia-based words beginning with C, aren't there?<br /> Mom: Alright. Enough.<br /> Jon: Hey ma, remember that kid Cock Choad I went to high school with?<br /> Mom: ...No. I don't remember him. What about him?<br /> Jon: I never liked him. He was always such a dick.http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/17402835316http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/17402835316Fri, 10 Feb 2012 21:31:00 -0500<iframe width="400" height="299" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/Mx12nRvxHzg?wmode=transparent&autohide=1&egm=0&hd=1&iv_load_policy=3&modestbranding=1&rel=0&showinfo=0&showsearch=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br/><br/><p>I don’t know why, but the beginning of this video absolutely kills me…</p>http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/17317519373http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/17317519373Thu, 09 Feb 2012 08:56:43 -0500<img src="http://26.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lz2yjxFXm51qzm87ao1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>This really sums up my feelings about why people should never post political statuses.</p>http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/17265268018http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/17265268018Wed, 08 Feb 2012 10:19:08 -0500Dad: You know guys, Adele is on TV tonight. Her first live performance since she had that voice problem.<br /> Danielle: That's nice.<br /> Dad: It is nice. Don't be a smart ass.<br /> Danielle: Oh my God... You only care because she's British.<br /> Jonathan: I feel like we've had this conversation before...<br /> Dad: I don't care that she's British!<br /> Danielle: Oh please...<br /> Jonathan: (Aside to the dog) Nobody listens to me around here except for you.<br /> Danielle: Tell him. He only cares about Adele because she's British. All the British bands. Coldplay too, right? You loooooove Coldplay.<br /> Dad: They're very good as well.<br /> Danielle: Well, Adele's certainly not winning the Grammy.<br /> Jonathan: (Aside to the dog) Yup. Definitely had this discussion before.<br /> Dad: Oh, then who's going to win it?<br /> Jonathan: Kanye West and Jay-Z.<br /> Dad: (Blank stare)<br /> Jonathan: Or according to you, Keanu East and Kay-G.<br /> Dad: Well I'll have you all know I listened to all of the nominees' albums from start to finish and the one you're talking about was the lowest quality by far.<br /> Jonathan: Yes, because a 60 year old man from Liverpool is an objective critic of modern rap music.<br /> Dad: I am!<br /> Jonathan: Oh really? What was your favorite song from "Watch the Throne?" You strike me as a "Niggas in Paris" kinda guy. Or maybe "That's My Bitch." Yeah, that's it. I'm surprised I haven't heard you roaming the halls today spittin' verses of "That's My Bitch."<br /> Dad: I... I listened to it. And I didn't like it.<br /> Jonathan: Shocking.<br /> Mom: You know who I like?<br /> Jonathan: Let me guess. Cockerspaniel.<br /> Mom: No jackass. Now I remember that's not what he's called. The one with J-Lo. What's his name? Bulldog...<br /> Danielle: She means Pitbull.<br /> Jonathan: And we've come full circle.http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/17202346948http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/17202346948Tue, 07 Feb 2012 02:50:00 -0500<embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://assets.tumblr.com/swf/audio_player_black.swf?audio_file=http://www.tumblr.com/audio_file/17154329673/tumblr_lyz8jqbPtT1qzm87a&color=FFFFFF" height="27" width="207" quality="best" wmode="opaque"></embed><br/><br/><p>“Barstool,” by Gary Jules.  A solid song for sure - it tells a great story.  Listen to the whole thing and you’ll laugh.</p>http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/17154329673http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/17154329673Mon, 06 Feb 2012 10:04:38 -0500<img src="http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyxde0FywF1qzm87ao1_400.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Celebrating Another Superbowl As A Jets Fan.</p>http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/17091992292http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/17091992292Sun, 05 Feb 2012 09:54:00 -0500<object width="425px" height="360px"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true" /><param name="wmode" value="transparent" /><param name="movie" value="http://mediaservices.myspace.com/services/media/embed.aspx/m=53378990,t=1,mt=video" /><embed src="http://mediaservices.myspace.com/services/media/embed.aspx/m=53378990,t=1,mt=video" width="400" height="338" allowfullscreen="true" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" wmode="transparent"></embed></object><br/><br/><p>One More Minute You’ll Never Get Back…  This video has always represented how I feel about living in this prison, New York City.</p>http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/16964830422http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/16964830422Fri, 03 Feb 2012 01:08:34 -0500<img src="http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyr29iV4P31qzm87ao1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>When You Know You’re in DEEP Shit, Keep Your Head Up, Look Forward, and Have Fun With It.</p>http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/16907881143http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/16907881143Thu, 02 Feb 2012 00:08:00 -0500<iframe width="400" height="225" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/KaqC5FnvAEc?wmode=transparent&autohide=1&egm=0&hd=1&iv_load_policy=3&modestbranding=1&rel=0&showinfo=0&showsearch=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br/><br/><p>This is ridiculous…</p>http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/16859101461http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/16859101461Wed, 01 Feb 2012 05:29:56 -0500Jon: Know what? They could combine any two things in a hot pocket and id eat it. Eggs and pickles. Bacon and tofu. Shit... they could combine nails and Wheat Thins and be all like "oh look! It's the classic flavor of Wheat Thins combined with the unmistakable crackle & grind of 100 nails in your mouth!" Know what I'd think?<br /> Justin: ...<br /> Jon: I'd think, "well, it's a hot pocket. Shit's gotta be good." Truth is, I just believe in them. I put more trust in the Hot Pocket company than any girl I've ever dated. Possibly any girl anywhere. And that's a fact.<br /> Justin: That... is ridiculous.<br /> Jon: Wow... I really thought you were going to agree with me there. Thought I was onto something big. Nevermind. Whatever.http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/16806250445http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/16806250445Tue, 31 Jan 2012 00:14:00 -0500<embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://assets.tumblr.com/swf/audio_player_black.swf?audio_file=http://www.tumblr.com/audio_file/16749766739/tumblr_lyllb2auP41qzm87a&color=FFFFFF" height="27" width="207" quality="best" wmode="opaque"></embed><br/><br/><p>“Wonderwall,” by <em>Cat Power</em>.  A great cover of a classic <em>Oasis song </em>by the Queen of Indie Rock.</p>http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/16749766739http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/16749766739Mon, 30 Jan 2012 01:13:50 -0500<iframe width="400" height="299" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/k5xebCq6lfk?wmode=transparent&autohide=1&egm=0&hd=1&iv_load_policy=3&modestbranding=1&rel=0&showinfo=0&showsearch=0" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe><br/><br/><p>Now presenting… the ticklish camel.</p>http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/16683121463http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/16683121463Sun, 29 Jan 2012 01:08:37 -0500<img src="http://29.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyg2v48rft1qzm87ao1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>HA!</p>http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/16568962377http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/16568962377Fri, 27 Jan 2012 01:47:28 -0500<iframe src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/28901429" width="400" height="300" frameborder="0"></iframe><br/><br/><p>This song will forever be amazing… and its video will forever remain creepy.  Hang my head.  Drown my fear.  ’Till you all just disappear…</p>http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/16515399352http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/16515399352Thu, 26 Jan 2012 04:35:00 -0500<img src="http://27.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lycp54ZsNo1qzm87ao1_r2_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>The Bad Joke Eel</p>http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/16459791654http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/16459791654Wed, 25 Jan 2012 05:58:16 -0500(Autumn 2008, a frustrated LKH walks into a NY State unemployment office for a completely impromptu meeting.)<br /> Jon: Excuse me. Are you Mr. Williams? They said that I needed to talk to you if you are.<br /> Mr. Williams: Yes. Come into the office and have a seat.<br /> (Jon shuts door and sits down. Introduces self.)<br /> Mr. Williams: Ah yes. You...<br /> Jon: Me? What a thing to say...<br /> Mr. Williams: Well, son. I reviewed the mandatory form you filled out for the state.<br /> Jon: Is that why you guys made me come here? I sent that thing in two weeks ago! <br /> Mr. Williams: (Takes form out of a file) Yes, well... that you did.<br /> Jon: So whats the problem?<br /> Mr. Williams: I have reason to believe you aren't taking the state unemployment form seriously.<br /> Jon: Well, that's not fair. Of course I am. I was on two interviews this week!<br /> Mr. Williams: I said the form, not the job search. From your attached resume and work history, I'm sure you're actually looking for a job and that you'll find one. It's the form that's the problem.<br /> Jon: I answered all the questions!<br /> Mr. Williams: Shall we review your answers then? (Places spectacles on nose and reads form aloud.) Next to your name, you listed that you were the "Last King of Hollywood."<br /> Jon: I am called that from time to time. It's a non-paying thing though... so, it's all good. Google it.<br /> Mr. Williams: Right. That's not even the issue. See, we listed 3,000 potential skills that people can contribute in today's workforce. You checked only one box. (Dramatic pause). One. (Another dramatic pause.) Do you recall which one you checked off, Mr. King of Hollywood?<br /> Jon: It's "Last...King of Hollywood." And I do not, sir.<br /> Mr. Williams: Deli meat slicer.<br /> Jon: I make a good sandwich.<br /> Mr. Williams: You see how that's a problem when you also attach your resume listing myriad things you can actually do?<br /> Jon: That's the problem, isn't it? If I actually sat there checking off 1000 boxes, you wouldn't have read my resume. And if I wanted people to not read my resume, then I wouldn't have bothered to write one. So the way I see it, the score is Last King of Hollywood 1, New York 0.<br /> Mr. Williams: There were also two essay questions.<br /> Jon: I answered those to the best of my abilities, just like it asked.<br /> Mr. Williams: "In 1000 words or less, explain your greatest strength." Do you recall what you wrote?<br /> Jon: Could be any number of things...<br /> Mr. Williams: "Brevity." That's all you wrote. "Brevity..."<br /> Jon: I think I proved my point with that one.<br /> Mr Williams: Essay question two. "In 1000 words or less, explain your greatest weakness." Do you recall what you said for that?<br /> Jon: Brunettes?<br /> Mr. Williams: You wrote, "Sarcasm."<br /> Jon: That was my second guess, actually...<br /> (Mr. Williams smiles and takes another form from out of his folder, handing it across the table) <br /> Mr. Williams: I read thousands of these things a month and it's honestly the most tedious job in the world. But this one? This was a welcome change of pace, son. That's why I'm giving you a chance to do it over. You really don't have a choice. Just get it over with.<br /> Jon: (Grabs paper and sighs.) Fine, but I'm calling this a tie. Last King of Hollywood 1, New York 1.<br /> http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/16406328601http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/16406328601Tue, 24 Jan 2012 08:55:16 -0500<embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="http://assets.tumblr.com/swf/audio_player_black.swf?audio_file=http://www.tumblr.com/audio_file/16340922431/tumblr_ly8qwgDHpe1qzm87a&color=FFFFFF" height="27" width="207" quality="best" wmode="opaque"></embed><br/><br/><p>“The World Has Turned and Left Me Here,” by<em> Weezer.</em>  Classic.</p>http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/16340922431http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/16340922431Mon, 23 Jan 2012 02:45:52 -0500<img src="http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_ly67vnEowm1qzm87ao1_500.jpg"/><br/><br/><p>Two Star Wars themed items this week has me on the verge of loserdom, but it’s funny so whatever.</p>http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/16252291737http://www.lastkingofhollywood.com/post/16252291737Sat, 21 Jan 2012 17:59:47 -0500